The secret of night

It's a new world

2012-02-12T05:22:00.000-08:00

Remember my promise list which I posted earlier? Bullshit. I'm gaining weight but others still think that I'm skinny.

What I really need now is to be somewhere in the nature. Don't know if I told that before but I missed walking somewhere in the forest near the river. Watching the starry sky at night. Pickong flowers and making flower garlands for your friends. Feeling the magic breathing of nature, when the sunshine is touching your face and it feels like the cat which lies next to you will start talking. And you forget everything, no cars, no big cities, no money. Feeling free...like the Stallion of the Cimarron.

xxx

Dances with Wolves

2012-02-04T15:15:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing for more then a month. A lot of stuff been going on in my life and I get lost in my own thoughts. Sometimes I even felt like I want to quit everything I go somewhere where is warm, near the see, dance till the morning and listent to chill music. However, the thing is, that I can't. I have all those responsibilities that adults have. I have to go to uni and I actually love doing that, I love my course and the idea who I can become. Nevertheless, sometimes it feels like sadness is in my DNR and whatever I do, I'll never feel happy. I hate that I talk about this as I feel that people are getting bored because of that. I just want to live somewhere in the nature, finally to find myself and feel quietness.

*Sometimes I imagine I can talk with animals*

The Killing Moon

2012-01-08T12:23:00.000-08:00

I feel like dying. Today. Yesteday. The day before yesterday.

Opus 55

2012-01-03T01:14:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking when was the last time when I posted a recipe. This was going to be something like a food blog but...Maybe I'm thinking too much about food, that I don't want to write about it here. However, I want to share with you one easy tomato soup recipe.

Rubbed tomato soup

You'll need:

four fresh or tinned tomatoes;
a medium head of onion;
one red pepper;
some spicies: basil, white peppers, salt or whatever you want.
(some people prefer to include carrot, but I don't like the taste).

First of all, you boil a little bit of water in the pot. Don't pour too much water, just as much as it needs to submerge (I hope this is the right word) the onions. Boil a little bit and then add the red pepper. In other pot put the tomatos if they are fresh, boil a little bit and then withdraw them, add a little bit of cold water and then peel off the skin. When red pepper become soft add tomato and boil everything fo a while. Then take from the stove, mash it, at some spicies and put on the stove. Stir on the small heat, that the spicies would mix with the soup. And that's it!

Easy, tasty and not calorific. :)

Fantasia

2012-01-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I write. I write about things that don't really exist. It's the first day of New Year and a lot of people are full of excitement believing that this would be better for them. I don't blame them as I wnat the same thing. But... usually when the new year starts you are feeling that it's a new beginning of something. You clean your room, change your bedding and start creating plans for better year (or list as I did for the first time). You feel that the air you are breathing is different as you try to believe that you'll reach something this year, that you spend your time thoughtfully. Well, as sad as it could be, I don't feel anything. I just wanted to lie in my bed and in one way I did. It just doesn't feel as I new beginning for me as I lost myself somewhere between UK and my country, as my thoughts become lost between two languages. All my older problems are coming back, and I'm afraid of emotional crisis which can overtake me. And there is the strange part... according to the some nature laws we get what we create by ourselver despite if it is good or bad. How it is possible that I done that for myself? How much I have to hate myself that I would put myself into this position again?

But despite everything, Happy New Year!

Kiss.

The sound of rain

2011-12-27T00:37:00.000-08:00

I'm a water person.

Riverside

2011-12-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

I'll start following my promise plan after 1st January, but I try to do my best not eating bad food every day. It isn't working actually, I started feeling fat I can't do much with that. Though, I'm trying not to give up.

In these days I feel a little bit miserable despite I should be happy being with my family through the Christmas. But....let me go to the club and dance my ass off...I missed that stupid club music which actually annoyes but when I want to dance I can dance everywhere and with every kind of music.

However, I', sitting in my room woth a pile of candles and my room is filled with vanilla taste. I'm looking to the picture of me and my ex-lover, and I don't feel anything warm. That's the biggest problem for me for the last three months. I can't cry, I can't be happy, I feel like a stone. I need to spend more time in the nature and now when I'm at home I'll try to use this possibility as I'm living near the river.

xxx

Be yourself, no matter what they say

2011-12-21T16:47:00.000-08:00

I actually never do that, but this year I decided to make a New Year's promise list as I need to improve a little bit in my life. So these are my promises:

Start eating healthy. In this includes: do not eat after 7pm (it would be better after 6pm but sometimes I have lectures till six, and I don't want to miss my dinner); eating three times per day without or with one little snack (an apple or something like that); do not eat junk food!!!
To stop overeating. I know this should be written in the first point, but this problem is so big that it need it's own. I don't usually eat junk food or confectionary but when I'm overeating I eat everything (except meat).
To be more active, dance, exercise more (yoga, cardio, pilates).
Study hard!!!! This is the most important as I'm really lazy person. I need to read more. It's my first year in university so I have to built like a basics for my subject and entire life. P.S. don't forget to party harder. :)))
Be more determined and persistency.

So yeah, it's not very long. Just some main points which I already know, but I need to remaind them for myself.

Ain't no sunshine

2011-12-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

Sitting in my room with a cup of cofee and laptop on my knees. Candles, music...do I need more? I went home for Christmas holidays and I thought that I will be happy finally siting in my room, walking though the city in which I grew up. However, somehow I feel homesick. Homesich of my new room in UK, of all new environment and people. I can't believe that I won't be able to see people, with who I spent almost three month. I there is one guy, who I like but it seems that he doesn't know that I exsist. Well..maybe it's not so bad, but still, I don't have a chance to see him more than once a week. I have a stupid hope that I'll manage to loose some weight while being at home. When I'm with others, it's easier for me not to eat.

*I started feeling a true calling of mother nature. I always am coming back to magic. Maybe it's time to be more forceful and do what I want?

xxx

What I eat for breakfast? FRUITS!

Ashes and Snow

2011-12-10T15:35:00.001-08:00

♥

Take it if it makes you talk

2011-12-10T14:36:00.001-08:00

I spend all day in front of my laptop 'studying'. Yeah, I finished one essay about mannerism and I have to write another one and that is killing me. I can't complain, the subject which I'm studying is suprisingly interesting but still. I need holidays and next Saturday I'm going to have them. I'm going home! Actually, I don't feel homesick but I just feel that I need some changes, like moving to England isn't enough. I'm so jealous for those, whose course have the second year trip to another country for studying. Mine doesn't have one. :S This week was quite intensive for me, as I with some of my friends were looking for a house to live during our second year. It was so tiring, but at least we found it and know there is one problem less to worry about. After holidays I'm going to search for a job, and I'm quite excited about that because I have never worked before (job in my father's office doesn't count). I forgot to mention, yesterday I spent my evening with some friends from China. They prepared a delicious dinner for me, it was such a nice evening. I have never met chinese people before and I didn't expected that they are so friendly and lovely people. I even learnt some recipes from them which I am going to esu in the future. :)

P.S. I am eating like a pig, I gained weight and don't know how to stop that. :S

Roast spinaches

You'll need:

Bunch of spinaches
Water
Wheat flour
A little bit of oil
Salt

Mix spinaches with water, flour and salt ( you don't too much water or flour, the consistence has to be quite thich). Put a little bit of oil in the pan and when it gets warmer pur mixed spinach in the pan. Very easy and really tasty.

Have a nice meal. xxx

If it seems like I am ignoring you, it's because I am

2011-12-05T15:35:00.001-08:00

Feel tired though I still cannot go to sleep. It's so confusing, like I know what I want, I know what to do and still...I'm esting at night, gaining weight and feel messed up. It's not just about weight, maybe I feel too lonely despite all those people by who I am surrounded. Sometimes I wish that everything would be just like in old days, with all my old friends whi I really missed. Sadness. I know that nothing is going to be the same. It's strange how I managed to be optimistic about everything when I am here. Maybe it is true, changes are good for our health. I want to tell here everything but somehow I'm not able to speak about what I'm experiencing. Oh well...I wish someday. I just want to find a Latin dance club, where I could dance all night. There's nothing like that in city where I'm living, I guess I have to plan a journey to London. Kisskisskiss

Blue foundation

2011-12-02T03:02:00.001-08:00

How am I spending my Friday morning? I am preparing for my essay about Mannerism. I already feel tired but at least it's quite interesting.
Yesterday I had some kind of emotional crisis, I even wanted to run to the shop and to buy a huge pile of junk food. But I didn't. Everything ended with some apples and plumps, and a buchwheat porridge with sauce and spice. Today I feel quite good about that despite I was eating quite late. I am planning to prepare a cabbage soup for myself but maybe not today because after two or three hours I am going out with some of my friends to search for a Christmas presents!!! I feel so excited about that though I am not going to buy something expensive ( I am still a student), just some small presents to remind for my closest friends and family that I love them. An in the evening the university club is waiting for me!!!

The cabbage soup
You'll need:
half of the cabbage
2 green peppers
6 ( or less, depends on your taste) onions
3 carrots
1-2 cans of tinned tomatoes ( or if you want you can use raw tomatoes)
celery
2 blocks of broth which you like.
Chop all ingredients and simmer about 2 hours.

This should be enough for all day, you can use a smaller amounts of food. And every time you can put different spicies to make your soup taste differently.

Have a nice meal!

Coconut

2011-12-01T11:49:00.001-08:00

I was never inlove with the first posts of any blog. They always are strange as you try to make an introduction for what are you goind to write about. Because of this struggle I was avoiding to start writing a blog but at the end of the day, I decided that I need somehow to share my problem with others. I had some issues with food and I created this blog as a place to relax and to express what I feel when I'm facing these issues again. This is the period when I started living alone ( if living in the house full of students you can call like that) and when my eating problems came alive again. I'll try to put some raw, vegan or at least vegetarian recipies in my blog or maybe sometimes just write what I am going throught. Don't have much to say; have a nice evening.