Fantasia

          Sometimes I write. I write about things that don't really exist. It's the first day of New Year and a lot of people are full of excitement believing that this would be better for them. I don't blame them as I wnat the same thing. But... usually when the new year starts you are feeling that it's a new beginning of something. You clean your room, change your bedding and start creating plans for better year (or list as I did for the first time). You feel that the air you are breathing is different as you try to believe that you'll reach something this year, that you spend your time thoughtfully. Well, as sad as it could be, I don't feel anything. I just wanted to lie in my bed and in one way I did. It just doesn't feel as I new beginning for me as I lost myself somewhere between UK and my country, as my thoughts become lost between two languages. All my older problems are coming back, and I'm afraid of emotional crisis which can overtake me. And there is the strange part... according to the some nature laws we get what we create by ourselver despite if it is good or bad. How it is possible that I done that for myself? How much I have to hate myself that I would put myself into this position again?

But despite everything, Happy New Year! 

Kiss.